I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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