wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
this will be a night to untag.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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