Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
soo... how was my night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize