She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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