dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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