i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
