a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
