nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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