I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
