I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
