@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
