she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
