Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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