this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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