If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
