Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
