why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
