Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
