It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ugly people sure do ruin things
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
