My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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