Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
