The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
