she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
