summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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