his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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