A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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