I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
