the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
