tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
