the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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