508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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