that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the condom got lost in my hair
please come you make the beer taste better
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
