This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
