Dual....:-)
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
