I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
