I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
