you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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