if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
