a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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