How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
