I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
