also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I am morally bankrupt
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They took my balls.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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