no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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