Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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