does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
