The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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