1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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