She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
