drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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