hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
