I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
