wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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