Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
