If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
