is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize