I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
