I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
