woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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