I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
