I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
