Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
