my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize