dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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